Fear… even after over a year and a half… I still feel fear. I have tons of things I want to blog about. There’s so much I would like to say & really want to get out of me and into the big nowhere, but feel like I can’t, even though I’m plodding forward.
There’s a big ball of anxiety in the middle of my tummy. Even now as I write, there’s this huge ball in the pit of my stomach & words try to flit from my brain before they can be typed down onto the page. I’m going to have to work through it.
You know, the luggage we humans carry can be so heavy and yet we choose to carry them rather than leave them behind. Never mind that this luggage has nothing you actually want in them. I mean, it’s not like your favorite shirts are in there. Or those super awesome shoes that fit great and are oh so comfy. Or, your favorite eye shadow… the color that makes your eyes this amazing aqua marine blue, is in the luggage and you may need it for touch ups.
No, the stuff that’s in this luggage is your dirty, smelly laundry… and it’s primarily socks. Oh yes, and not only is it socks, it’s the smelly Gym socks that would likely stick to the wall if you threw them at it. Nice eh? Oh yeah… and then, one of pairs of trousers has some Limburger cheese & anchovies in the pocket, left over from when you needed some comfort food during those tough times.
I know that I hold myself back. I have always know that I’m my own worst enemy… and my harshest critic. And that knowledge is what has propelled me forward with writing even though I’m convinced that the world is going to end. Why? Well, I know that the world will not be ending and I also know that I love writing and that it does help me in the long run.
With that said… I bid you good day. Next time it will be a little easier and the time after that it’ll be a little easier until the vestiges of all that badness is gone and what’s left is something better, something nicer & something worth writing about.
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