Today I submitted my very first report as Affiliated Agent to HAIC (head agent in charge) Secret Agent L in Pittsburgh. Typically, all reports much have both visual and written documentation, but today’s mission was so top secret that I didn’t know about it until the covert operation started unfolding.
Here is the report for your viewing pleasure:
Dear HAIC (Head Agent in Charge),
I am submitting my report concerning my first ever "hit" as Affiliated Agent, Houston Texas region. As Affiliated Agent, I am aware that I was supposed to take photo documentation in addition to the written report. However, this mission was so super top secret that I didn’t even know about it until it was upon me. Here’s how it went down.
At about 1030 hours, I descended the elevator of the Central Affiliate Agent building into the downtown Houston tunnel system. Upon exiting the main portion of the building and entering the tunnel system I was approached by an indigent man stating that he was hungry and asking if I would help him. As Affiliated Agent to you HAIC and wanting to follow in your greatness, I didn’t hesitate to act. I told him that while I would not give him money, I would walk with him and purchase him a sandwich & a vitamin fortified drink.
I was careful, HAIC, to not disclose my identity. I was also careful to request that this man return the favor to someone else some day. Thus, the Sisterhood remains intact and our cover has not been blown.
While I understand that visual documentation is a part of the reporting process, I’m that you’re willing to make an exception based on the circumstances. Rest assured, HAIC, that I will provide photo’s as proof of cuteness and good deed doing from my next mission.
Submitted in awe of your greatness,
Affiliated Agent Fizz, Houston Texas Region
I was raised to a very strict code. Never report someone for stealing food from a grocery store. If they’re stealing food, they desperately need it. Never give an indigent money, odds are they’ll use it for booze or drugs. Rather, always offer to take them to a store or restaurant and buy them food.
I’ve very rarely had someone take me up on the offer of food when I’ve offered it to them. They’ll cuss you out, they’ll call you cheap, they’ll call you names but they won’t take the food in lieu of cash. This one did and I was glad to do it. I paid by credit card so that he knew he wasn’t going to get the change. I made sure the card numbers and name on the card were facing the palm of my hand so he couldn’t steal the name or numbers. I held tight to my wallet, so that he couldn’t steal money that way, either. Not that he would have, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. It wouldn’t be the first time a good deed doer came to regret the helping hand they gave becoming a victim instead.
So, I feel that I did a good thing and the right thing. I would have felt terrible if I had said no or not offered to buy him a meal. Then, I would have felt like I would have been solely responsible for someone spending a day hungry.
You have a super rest of the week. Mine is more than half over now and tomorrow night I’m having dinner with a former colleague. We’re going to eat pizza and catch up. It’s gonna be fun.
© ‘Fizz’ 2010